BastiansMama

A Carnivore that rides a bike leaves a bigger carbon footprint than a Vegan who drives a SUV, its a proven fact!

2007-11-21T22:42:00.000-08:00

I am a Female...I have made MILK....I have had swollen, ENGORGED breasts...on the verge of infected Mastisis. I have had a son who I bonded with in less than the time it took for him to take his first breath or have his first cry. I can identify with a 'dairy' cow. A mama who is artificially inseminated 3 or more times a year since she was 1 year old...or raped...all to have her baby stolen from her within hours of birth. Despite what many think, Cows are very maternal, and cry for their babies long after they are gone. I have had a son...a boy baby. If I were a cow, my boy baby would be stolen from me, never to return...only to live a horribly torturous, miserable, short life, a byproduct of the veal industry...the same torture as the Mama Cow...the only thing worse than her horrible life as a dairy cow is her inhumane, unfathomably tortoruous slaughter. If I had a girl, she would still be stolen from me, and eventually after being raped and inseminated, year after year...suffer the same fate as I...having my throat slit open without pain killers, having my trachea ripped out, then being left to bleed to death which can take many many hours...and they are the lucky ones.
I can relate. I am a female, I make milk, I've had a babe. My heart aches for what the mama cows go through...unfathomable torture day in and day out..unspeakable torture...no matter how much denial most of this country is in...it still happens...it is still a reality.

I have so much to say

2007-11-21T20:51:00.000-08:00

I have a lot to say. I have a lot to say about birth, and vaccinations, and child abuse and animal abuse and animal torture and the veal industry and veganism, and AUTISM, and Paganism. What I know is that no one listens if I'm 280 lbs. with very short dark brown hair. I know this because I was once skinny with long blonde hair and did my makeup everyday. I have a lot to say to my sons future teachers and schools. I have to be taken seriously and I know how to get that accomplished...look good. I accept this social stereotype because I have lived it. I'm not even offended by it because I know it to be true...it is what America accepts and since I live here, I accept it. I have been the girl that has everything done for her and given to her and I have been the girl that has been the recipient of massive rudeness and ignored while having my thoughts ignored. Being an activist at heart, I realize this does not work for me. I am currently detoxing, losing weight, redoing my outward appearance...for my health and future, and my sons future, and so people will listen to what I have to say. I have a lot to say. I am EXTREMELY PASSIONATE about so much...about toxic lead filled toys from China...about proving that we are poisoning our children with mercury in the form of Thimerosol in vaccinations....to the evils of the veal/DAIRY industry, and the torture and pain we inflict upon animals. To the voiceless words of young babes being hurt, scared, and abused...to the comfort and joy I feel with the neo pagan movement. I'm not ignorant to the facts of what fellow humans want their activists to look like to be taken seriously, and I must be taken seriously because I am passionate about what i have to say and there is so much to say [to stop the pain, cruelty, torture and misunderstanding....so that there is worldwide compassion and acceptance].
-Kim

Cleanse

2007-11-17T21:27:00.000-08:00

Where to start...I guess first things first is that I'm detoxing. I have been for about a week now...I decided to quit the Pepsi. My addiction to Pepsi was outta control!! More than a 2L a day. I wouldn't eat unless I had pepsi to go with it. I wanted off of it, mostly because of the evil High fructose Corn syrup! I mean, I go out of my way to buy ketchup, bbq sauce, jellies and jams, juices, etc. that don't have it in it, even pasta sauce! I mean, come on! HFCS is one of the reasons I'm so fat. It is evil and hidden in sooooooo many items! So, while chugging my liter of HFCS one day, I realized change is inevitable. I went cold turkey. I had so much caffeine built up in my system that it took about 2 days for my withdrawl headache to kick in. After a day or so of intense pain, my sister and I realized that I could drink coffee. Afterall the reason I was getting off Pepsi was for the HFCS, not the caffiene. I have no idea how to spell that word. Anyways, so I had a nice cup of hot coffee and voila, no headache...ahhh how the aches and pains of detoxing are soothed out when that headache is gone. My doctor said my heart can't have caffeine, but I'm not going to be a coffee addicted freak like I once was in my early 20's. But I am have officially switched from Pepsi to coffee and am happy about it. I am drinking water like never before. I figure the more water I drink, the faster I will detox so I'm drinking. The only other beverage I have had is limeade, with no HFCS. It does the trick.

I am doing my version of oral chelation (heavy metal detox) which is cilantro. I buy it in the tincture which is in alcohol and very strong, so I the 40 drops into my limeade and it covers the taste.

I am also doing a liver cleanse by way of Milk Thistle, and blood cleanse by way of Greens....which is what I call it, its basically every good green veggie including wheatgrass in a powder form that I put in my ice cold water (thanks Brian!)with organic lemon juice.

I am also doing a candida cleanse, I can't think of the name of the product right now and since I'm tucked away in bed with my 2 guys snoring away, it'll have to wait....but there is a capsule and a tincture, it was $35 which is too much for me, but I feel it is necessary, plus I wanted to know what I'll be putting Bastian through next month.

With the greens and lemon juice everday, I'm also alkalizing my body which will eventually refine my palette and I will enjoy vegan foods even more....not to mention lose weight because my body won't be an acidic, inflamed environment anymore.

I've also started walking, everday, on my new treadstepper, but since I'm so out of shape I have it on just treadmill mode, which still makes me sweat so I figure its all good.

I also have finally completely taken dairy and eggs out of my diet.YEAH VEGAN!!!
I have been vegetarian now for 6 years and have made the transition to STRICT VEGANISM and am very happy about it.

Oh yeah and how could I forget the Captain...I haven't drinken any alcohol (rum) since I started this cleanse over a week ago!

I can't say I have huge noticeable affects yet but I know they are coming!

I did notice tonight that I was happy, smiling and laughing..something I don't always feel like doing....maybe this is working, or maybe its because my sexy husband took lil bubba to the museum today for 4 hours while I soaked in a bubblebath and surfed the web!

I always try to detox when the moon is waning, but it just worked out that I started on the new moon, so I'm going to cleanse for 28 days instead of 2 weeks, and take advantage of the 2 weeks of waning moon coming up (and really get the toxins and rotting crap out of my body), and end on a new moon. Then rebuild during the next 2 weeks of the waxing moon.

My goal is to lose 120 lbs., and this is the first step of my journey...and I'm also going to start Yoga.

PS

2007-10-05T18:05:00.000-07:00

He graduated from his special shoes at night. So, after 8 casts, 1 surgery and 5 pairs of special shoes at night, (with a horrible metal bar between them)...WE ARE DONE! WHEW! We did it! At the beginning of it, when he was born with his little clubbed foot and I heard the therapy took almost 3 years, I didn't know if we'd make it, but we did, and it was successful! Dr. says his foot is perfect! He's such a trooper :)

I was born to tell him I love him

2007-10-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

Today, my precious baby boy got officially diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. More specifically Pervasive Developemental Disorder:Not Otherwise Specified with Sensory Intergration Disorder. I have heard the Doctors 'opinions' for months now, but today was the officially diagnosis.
After 2 hours at that appointment, we got in the car...me, crying of course with the shock of this 'lifelong diagnosis'...so I turned on the radio and 'Beautiful Day' by U2 was on. Just then a train passed us and we followed it on the windy streets in the hills while my baby yelled "TRAIN!!" over and over. The sky was cloudy and it was sprinkly. It was beautiful.
As I sit here still crying, I am OK. It's not Full blown Autism, which I picture on the left side of the Spectrum. Its PDD:NOS which is somewhere in the middle. The doctors suspect it will turn into Aspergers when his speech develops. His IQ is 91 which is only one point above 'below average', but officially he is average. They also suspect this will go up dramatically, also leading to the Aspergers diagnosis because hes very smart.
I will give all of the details tommorrow, I need to go cuddle with my guys and process this all.

Beautiful

2007-09-27T16:51:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't change him for the world

2007-09-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

I got a letter in the mail from the Developemental Pediatrician that we saw a few weeks ago. It was his 4 page assessment of Seb. He has not been diagnosed yet. It was all very interesting, I guess the most poignoint sentence was "I strongly believe Sebastian qualifies for having Autism Spectrum Disorder, and that subsequent testing will prove so". It was informative, and heartbreaking. It was just a lot in one day. I keep going over it, cotacting who he wants me to contact and doing what he wants me to be doing.
Inhome ABA costs $75 an house which is over $2,100 a week. So, I am learning ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) myself so I can do it with him. I don't see why not. We have also started schooling. I will start keeping track of everything. We are taking him off of the sleep medicine the Dr. put him on. Especially now that he doesn't have to wear his shoes at night, he doesn't need them.

Dr. Hyman (a Dr. my sister and I both love) describes Autism as
"a systemic body disorder that affects the brain. A toxic environment
triggers certain genes in people susceptible to this condition."
So, I know where all my money is going to from now on. Organic food, natural cleaners, no chemicals, no chemicals in food. No dust. Filtered water for baths too. Cleansings...all natural clay baths. Detoxing. An organic environment. Breathin fresh air...(well thats free)..:)

One thing I know is that for this boy, I have to have unconditional love. He is not being a bad boy on purpose.. it's not that he wants to be difficult. Hes just different. It takes patience to accept him for who he is. I'm teaching him to be like others, I'm teaching him social skills, etc. but honestly, I wouldn't change him for the world.

It's OK to be different

2007-09-27T16:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday sucked. We parked at Uncle Kevins house, then walked to the park...that part was good. But at the park... it was hard on him. He tried talking to 2 other boys a little older than him. They listened to his sweet little story for a while...Sebastian was so talkative and for one of the very few times he actually wanted to interact with other kids postively and with communication/conversation. Then one of the little ones looks up at me and says 'he can't talk...all he can do is say blah blah blah, he can't talk...' i however knew what his story was about and what he was saying. Anyways, then the boys start being mean to him and making fun of him for not being able to talk. Then after a while, and them telling him he can't play with them, he started crying...and the little shits started making fun of him for crying, and being mean to him. I'm looking at their mom...she was nice, she just wasn't saying anything other than, let him in the car. Then after making fun of him for crying he gets so upset and runs off into the park. I quickly follow him being so done with this situation. I was very close to yelling at both of them, and at her. Then they start making fun of him for running away from me, and I yelled at them that he was running away from them because they are mean. These kids were only 6 months older than I'm assuming, but they wouldn't tell me their age.
He sometimes reminds me of this boy when hes in a good mood. http://youtube.com/watch?v=p3n7Pm9UkJg&mode=related&search=

So, that sends him into a complete public meltdown. These really suck...they last along long time. It is physically painful for me and for him. It is emotionally draining. It is hard for both of us. We tried to head for home but all he wanted to do was play with the public water fountain. After trying to get him to leave, he threw the biggest tantrum, and other parents were outright staring and talking. Not just trying to to stare and say things, they were actually doing it. Thankfully, I don't care if they stare, i don't give a fuck about them because all I care about is my son, and what he needs. Not just giving all of my heart and soul to him right then, I'm also taking mental notes for his doctors. This lasts forever. I'm trying to get him through or around or under the playgroup to the other side of the park so we could get to our car. After eternity, he finally calmed down and ran up slide stairs, then came down, then was running and hit his head very very hard on a metal toy which sent him right back to his screaming and crying. We finally got to the car and he stopped crying.
Thank god Michael came home soon after and I passed out from 10 -1 am, but haven't been able to sleep since...been doing so much research and calling all of his doctors.

Breakthrough

2007-09-24T18:41:00.000-07:00

I forgot to mention, my mom was working with him today on what I would call ABA therapy. It was going great, Bastians mind was being stimulated in the right ways which makes him happy and calm. He loves when communication actually works for him. So, they were taking a moment of down time and he went into her kitchen. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his neck like a cape. Then he walked into the room and waved with one hand and said 'hi mom, hi gramma', hi oscar' (the puppy in the back room who he couldn't see)...she said, say hi to sasha (the other dog), and he waved with one hand and said 'hi sasha'. I cried. This was a first. He was using his immagination with the cape and was being very vocal and clear (and cute!)...when saying hi to everyone. It meant a lot.

Celebrating Sebastian...our Crystal child

2007-09-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

My mind is full, I need to sleep on a lot of this. We haven't been back to the doctors in 2 weeks, because of the whole waiting list thing.
I don't know whether to focus on ABA therapy or chelation. I don't know whether to start him on the GFCF diet. I don't know whether to continuing beating myself up for giving him the thimerosal loaded vaccination, including the flu shot, forever. I don't even know if he is on the Autism Spectrum. I know he is different. That's about all I know. One thing I know for sure is that Mercury Poisoning (toxicity) symptoms are identical to the symptoms of full blown autism. Society will argue forever that vaccinations did not cause this. I am not going to argue this. I have my opinion, no one is going to change it. I knew about thimerosal before he was born. I said point blank that he will not be vaccinated (for this reason). When there was a pertussis outbreak in the county we lived in the week he was born, I took that as a sign (along with urging from family members), and vaccinated him for it. Then I let my pediatrician convince me to continue vaccinating him, and how safe they are. True, a lot of children, especially girls, are not affected by the heavy metals use in vaccines to preserve them. But some are.
I know he is different. While I am not dying to label him with a word...I do need to know what he has. The waiting is hard, because I don't know what road to take. The waiting is because it takes a while to get into all of the different doctors.
I do feel he has Sensory Intergration Disorder. He gets overstimulated easily which results in an uncontrollable fit. My sweet husband is not used to the stares and dirty looks we get when god forbid we interrupt the people at Starbucks for 5 minutes while they lounge around reading magazines and drinking $5 lattes, while I try to run in, buy Jenny Mccarthy's new Autism book, and run out...but of course, there are escalators there and if Bastian can't ride up and down them 100 times, he has an uncontrollable fit. I am used to the bruises, they don't bother me.

He doesn't line things up, he does have eye contact, He does point, both to draw my attention to something, and to point out something he wants. He doesn't stack things maniacally. He is 'present'. He babbles. Therefore, he is not Autistic. There is no arguing that.
There is however, arguing that he is on the Autism Spectrum, more specifically Autism Spectrum Disorder, most specifically PDD:NOS, or Aspergers Syndrome. He does need a Static environment, he does need warning of what is about to happen, he does need to be on a sensory diet. He does get frustrated, for very long periods of time when I don't know what he is saying, very very long.
He stims when he is frustrated and has repetitive speech
but not near as much as I have seen.
Thank the Goddess for youtube, not to mention google.
As usual, with him I use too many words, he needs 2 words or less, or visual or Sign language.
He hates being interupted in the middle of a sequence. He only parallel plays. We've stopped going to our play groups.
If he does not get his way, the whole world knows it. Not getting his way means not being able to watch mickey mouse or play on the computer or daddy's laptop. If he wants any of these and does not get it, much of the day is ruined. But how can I let him waste away in front of a screen? I can't.

Whats the point? The point is that he is happy. That he lives a happy, nurtured, conscious life. All I care about is that he is happy. Whatever that means. And happy for the long run.

He needs security...his doctor has recommended a weighted backpack or vest. As of today he is on half of the GFCF diet, that is no dairy whatsoever. He is also on probiotics to help his digestion and cilantro tincture to get the heavy metals out of his body. I've switched him to a homeopathic coffee cruda instead of the melatonin one of his doctors put him on to help him sleep. If you take a lot of melatonin, your brain stops producing it naturally which can lead to worse sleep disorders later on.
I wouldn't change him for the world. But if I knew more about him, I could help him to be happier. More to come when I can figure more of this out, and if you know me, you know I will.

Another blog of mine

2007-09-07T10:26:00.001-07:00

I started this new blog to document my son, my sons education, and his impending diagnosis of Autism spectrum disorder.

It is here: http://sebastiansevolution.com/blog/

Eventually it will be more than just a blog, but it seems a good place to start!

Mistakes

2007-09-03T00:16:00.000-07:00

So each of the 5 stacks of pictures on slide below contain 50 pics each starting with the beginning of the show at the bottom of the page, going upwards towards nighttime...but the 2nd stack from the bottom us has 100 pictures in it...the very first 50, plus the 2nd 50.
The top 3 stacks can only be seen with my informative (lol) comments and as a slideshow if you click on 'view all images' at the bottom of each stack of pics.
Everything else shouldn't be messed up.. I know theres a lot of pics, it was a long day...:)

Full day of Live Blogging

2007-09-03T00:14:00.002-07:00

So I finally got around to doing a day of live blogging. It was informative/educational. It was a pretty typical day, which I was grateful for...
My oldest sister and I only talk about once a month and its for a couple of house and it happened to be this day.
The other difference was that my mom ordered lots of pizzas *we live in their basement* and we ate that all day, even for breakfast...when usually I am cooking most of the day.
I cook for the 3 of us for breakfast, lunch and dinner...Sebastian helps, but not this day. Cooking takes a lot of the day.
Everything else is normal.
Sebastian got tired of the camera and was tired early.
I took advice and got a timer and have started timing how long he is on the computer and the tv (mickey mouse)...starting limits.
He is really obsessed.
I'm taking this to his evaluation doctors this month.
Good experiment.
I know there are some technical issues with this new slide account, I'm trying to work out and have the pictures in smaller stacks so they are easier to look at. The first pictures are at the bottom and the night pictures are on top.
Let me know what you think.
<3
also, we started the website, sebastiansevolution.com
right now its just a blog but its going to be so much more...

Night.

2007-09-03T00:14:00.001-07:00

Later

2007-09-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

Evening

2007-09-02T23:34:00.001-07:00

Wait thru same first 50, for the second set of 50

2007-09-02T23:05:00.001-07:00

LiveBloggingExperiment

2007-09-02T22:34:00.000-07:00

Next Bill Gates

2007-08-28T12:39:00.000-07:00

My little genius. Now, I'm not completely technologically challenged...I like to think I can figure my way around this or that...but when the remote control for the DVD player goes missing, and Bastian is demanding a specific scene of a movie or a specific episode on a DVD, and all I see on the 300 DVD's DVD changer is stop, play and pause, he has definately has many melt downs over this.
But, as I was lifting him up today to hit play on the maching (something we just started doing), not only did he turn the circle thingy which happened to be fast forward!, but he opened a little compartment which lo and behold held the very buttons that would have saved me many a freakin times!! It had menu and sub menu! AHHHHHH!!!! Now, the circle thingy I had only ever before just pressed it and couldn't figure out its use, and I had never seen the little hidden trap door which held the almighty menu and select buttons! My little genius went straight to these and then straight to the scene he wanted. I shit you not!

OOPS

2007-08-27T21:06:00.000-07:00

OK apparantly Mars is no closer to the Earth tonight than normal and my dear husband forgot that sometimes I can't tell when things are jokes and when they are not when he told me this! lol

wonderful moon happenings, plus mars so close!

2007-08-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

MARS VERY CLOSE TO THE EARTH TONIGHT(AT 12:30 AM, MARS WILL LOOK LIKE A 2ND MOON TO THE EARTH), AND A LUNAR ECLIPSE TOMMORROW, PLUS THE FULL CORN MOON TONIGHT! PARTY!

SO BIG

2007-08-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

I shit you not, this is how much he has grown in 2.5 months! He is taller than every boy his age. I love it. Michael and I are both tall, and looks like Bubba is taking after us. Good thing Michael just got a raise, so we can continue to clothe this little giant! Go Bastian!

Dear Bastian

2007-08-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

Sebastian,
When you give us hugs now, you wrap your skinny long arms around our neck as much as you can reach and squeeze hard. You just started doing this. I think because you are growing your arms reach better now. I love it. Hugs from you are the most special thing in Mommy's life. You even try to sneak up on me or Daddy with a sly look on your face, and when we catch you, you smile so big and run and hug us. What a life!
You are officially off of SouthPark and onto Mickey Mouse, thanks to a very long vacation to Aunt Sissy's house. This is good because now instead of saying 'Dildo', and 'Bastard' and 'Shit', you say 'Mickey Mouse, Toodles', and 'one, two, three!', and 'Donald'. Much better for society, don'tcha think?
You are beyond words...loving, smart (extremely), sensitive, cunning. You are just starting to love to run, and it makes me want to cry being so thankful for your straight little special foot. Well, not so little anymore! Your main loves are still the computer, playing in the water, Zeus, and most of all, DADDY!
I still feel like I need to be taking you to more places, more museums, more parks, more places to play in the water, and maybe even a school. Definately need to play more before the snow comes.
You are our Moon, our Stars, our Universe, and so much more...our SON!
You make me and Daddy complete, I still don't know how we got so lucky.
We love you to the Moon and back and MORE...and by your hugs, we know how you love us too!
PS, when you first wake up you smile sooo big and are so happy, and it lasts for a good 10 minutes, just laying in bed, smiling and talking so sweetly...you love waking up and stretching.

Pics

2007-08-25T21:36:00.001-07:00

New pics of our 3 year anniversary getaway...high in the mountains to a resort lodge, then to the lake. it was neccessary and nice. We took Bastian with us. The pics are on flickr to the right of this.
<3

During the Interim

2007-08-25T21:30:00.000-07:00

I am teaching my son...ASL, numbers, colors and words right now.
I should do some sensory/motor work like putting the right sized cube in its hole, that uses his mind also. Im actually thinking of putting him in a day care or preschool or whatever its called. Its a Montessori school that accepts toddlers.
I think he needs it. Plus lots of appointments coming up on the journey to diagnosising him...perhaps with Aspergers.

As far as life, I'm trying to be a good wife and mother, and kim, which is very hard right now. I'm just trying to find whats right. I fuck up on the way. I'm too sensitive, and too anxious. I let my energy be sucked. I love. I try. I can't forget. The moon is almost full...Corn Moon. Then fall, which is my favorite season.

I have lots of pictures from my blogging hiatus. I will get them up.

New Layout

2007-08-15T22:32:00.001-07:00

My husband Hooked me up ..

Flickr

2007-08-15T20:22:00.001-07:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

still ticking

2007-06-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

lifes been full. how are you? i just started this: http://moonmama.wordpress.com/
and think i may soley start using that one. i kinda like it better. i have tons of pictures and stories, so i will be back soon

long time no see!

2007-03-17T12:53:00.000-07:00

wow, has it been a long time or what! you know how sometimes life just gets so busy, yet good...and there is no time to blog! just a few updates, we weaned him off his bottle, then he got bronchitis and cut his 2 incisors which was 2 weeks of hell. then we realized he completely associated his bottle with his special night shoes, so he started refusing to wear his shoes, which isn't an option, for fear of his achilles tendon tightening again, requiring more surgery and more casts...so we chose his feet over his teeth, and just brush the hell out of his teeth every night. so now hes back on bottles! lol
my brother moved in with his girlfriend, so that was a busy week.
my 30th birthday was yesterday which was perfect.
i am traveling in the morning for a 17 day vacation to arizona to help out my sisters family and to see everyone.
i doubt i will be blogging while im down there, but i will when i get back.
i have to cut this short since i am seriously crazy trying to figure out how to pack and travel with the boo boo yet without sexy man who does everything for me.
take care and talk to you soon!
got tons of new pics hopefully i can get out soon!
<3

Those beautiful blues....

2007-02-03T21:12:00.000-08:00

My husband took this picture he took today and made it black and white but left bubbas eyes alone...he didn't do anything to his eyes! Also, the original for comparison.

"Victory is sweetest when you've known defeat"

2007-02-03T20:46:00.000-08:00

So, today is day 4 without the beloved bottle...it has been hard but our little guy has been brave...there are all of the usual cons (including me picking the very week that his 2 bottom incisors are poking their sharp asses thru to wean him!), but also an unexpeted pro or two...even though he wakes up screaming bloody mary at night, its only once or twice a night (after screaming bloody mary for an hour to get him to sleep in his special shoes without his bottle, which have always been associated with each other)...BUT, now he only does that instead of waking up 1 time an hour panicked because his bottle isn't in his hand or mouth and god forbid has slipped down a few inches...I'm starting to think the bottle was keeping him awake! Who wouldn've known we'd get more sleep during this week of hell...(knock on wood)...He's a big boy and has gotten a few smoothies for being so brave, and a few extra special dates...a few with me to the health food store, where he gets to drive his own cart and hear everyone tell him how adorable he is...then...we explored our local library...not the cool new one downtown, but the little one in the old beautiful building in our neighborhood...its amazing, it has a lil play area and a stage and of course computers (his other addiction) in the childrens department, which happens to be the entire downstairs of this old building...and a big fishtank...
I went with him and he played with 2 8 year old boys for an hour going up and down the slide and breakdancing on the stage...it was perfect, a huge blessing...he loved playing with the boys and he got so worn out that he took his first nap post bottle...a few days later we went back with daddy and had just as much fun. We are trying to keep him busy and worn out while having fun, and I think it is working!

THEN!, Daddy decided to take us to the new Childrens museum downtown...OH MY GOD is all I can say....omg...there were so many kids there and so many interesting exhibits and places that were only for little ones to learn and play and interact...3 floors of fun! real fun.
We have decided against his lil gym membership now and are going to get him a membership here instead...not only is it cheaper and for longer with a million more benefits...but this museum has everything I have been looking for for him.

Safe, fun interaction with every type of kid and age group imagineable...
Very stimulating activities. Great socialization. Gets us out of the house in the winter. Really really makes him think. Really gives him lots of exercise. It will grow with him. He's learning more communication skills with other kids...(In the last picture above here what had happened was he and this little girl were playing with a swinging door and she yelled at him (she was younger) and he froze....and made this face and stuck with it. There are so many different things to play with and learn from...too bad this wasn't here when his cousins were intown...

We did have one bad accident though :(, he tripped while running towards me because I wanted to show him something and he smacked his forehead HARD on the corner of a wood ball bin...It was the worst head accident we've had...I think if it were concrete, he definitely would've split his head open like his cousin Rickie did...it was sad, but he healed well, and you can see the huge red bump in the middle of his forehead in some of the pics..

Also my husband talked to the buyer there about selling the Butterfly Alphabet Poster that we sell at their gift shop because it would be perfect there!
All in all, its perfect, simply perfect. We are so lucky to have it here, and lil bubba had a nice treat...
Now we can go all the time as opposed to the gym which would be once a week for 45 minutes. I think we were at the museum for 4 hours.
I'm really starting to get into my new city.

“The reward of suffering is experience”, and a fun trip to the new Children's museum!

2007-02-03T20:33:00.000-08:00

Good-bye and on to a new chapter after we regain our sanity!!

2007-01-30T18:51:00.000-08:00

Good-bye old friend...

2007-01-30T18:44:00.000-08:00

goddess knows i've tried before...
and i'm trying again, at 21 months with a screaming toggler grabbing for the keyboard and the mouse... its time...again, for his teeth...for our sanity...his complete addiction to his rice milk or soy milk bottle...god please help us...this is almost too much too take...as i've already blogged about..i remember his first bottle...when everyone wanted me to breastfeed sooo bad and he was so hungry and wouldn't nurse...forever..then his first bottle...and i knew his tummy was full...and what else in the world mattered??????????? NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now we are trying again...but this time, I threw away all of his bottles and bottle paraphenilia and told my husband to dump it all out in the nasty big trash bin so I couldn't dig through in at 1 am and find the only damn thing in this world that soothes him...a playtex begginner nipple! damn you!

So, hes already 4.5 hours late on his nap today because he didn't have his comfort bottle, wish us luck!
His teeth need me to do this so I'm doing it.
I hope my marriage survies this...
he's at the point now where he can't even play because he's not willing to put down the bottle with one hand...(as pictured...)
It's not my fault he never wanted my titty, you know I tried and tried!!! The only thing he wanted was a bottle and now its time to say good bye.....
Oh god...These are pics of his very last soy milk bottle.

Dark Side of the Moon

2007-01-27T08:23:00.000-08:00

How did I make it to 29 and have never seen a picture of the dark side of the moon? I go out everynight and look at the moon, when its not new, I know all about its phases and am learning more about its geology...But I've only ever seen one side of this thing I am in love with...interesting..Thank God for the internet with a picture of it...
(moon from earth, moon close up, dark side of the moon!)

Beauty is Pain

2007-01-24T16:46:00.000-08:00

Just stole some pics off my husbands website of me a few weeks ago right after I got my tongue and nose pierced...

Couldn't have said it better myself

2007-01-24T15:57:00.000-08:00

What a handsome family I have! I have everything I ever wanted, why do I still bitch and bitch!

Anyways, different subject (still bitching though)
I've been going crazy for EVER now with what is healthy for my new family and what is not...then when I find what I believe is healthy, food or herb, etc., a new study comes out saying why it is not. Is it all a conspiracy?!
Just when I was going to rant and rave about it, wonderful Mama-C-ta did it for me. Mucho thanks to her. Seems like we have been doing the same research and I really appreciated her blog because she said it all and I don't have to. I am even looking into a Farm Share program as one of the commenters suggested, because I'm seriously thinking now that unless we eat organic, fresh from a local farm, we are all going to die! hehe, ok, not that morbid but still...
can't we just go back to the days of riding horses (then all we'd have to clean up is horse shit and not the entire freaking environment!), and eating fresh, whole foods. I once read that the number one invention that has led to the obesity epidemic was.....ready for this!? The refridgerator! WHAT?! Because then everything we started eating didn't have to be fresh or so well preserved and processed, that we are already half embalmed when we show up at the mortician! Ok, more being morbid, I guess I'm in a mood.
My sister and I have been researching this shit for years, whats good for us, whats not, why and why not, this ingredient, that herb, you'd think I wouldn't still be so crazy...but afterall, this is me we're talking about!
I was a vegetarian long before little bubba came to us, but now that hes here, I feel crazy about what to feed him, what products to use on him, what to let him drink for christs sake! Thank God theres a greenhouse in my backyard, I just need to get off my ass and learn how to garden for my family. Thanks again Mama C-ta!

Hypocrite? or just picky about germs...you decide :)

2007-01-24T15:28:00.000-08:00

I hate germs...its not so much hate, as it is, can't stand them. I can't stand other people's germs...I know a lot of it is OCD because I'm picky about what I can't stand being around me. If someone sneezes or coughs while walking by me at the grocery store, I hold my breath and try to get much distance between us before I have to breathe again...if someone comes too close to me...I find myself holding my breath too! I'm so weird!
It takes my son to show me my stupid rituals sometimes that I don't even notice...Now, everytime we get back into the car after running errands, he asks for the hand sanitizer...(to him it's a game that he gets to spread a tiny amount of something on his hands real fast), but it let me know that I am paralyzed with my fear of germs from the time I get back into the car until I wash my hands. I don't want him to pick up my fears, or my OCD rituals (washing my hands a million times with 2 soaps, etc.)...so I have to get a handle on things. Something I have realized really helps me to relax is my Progesterone prescription my Female doctor gave me. AHHHH!! PROGESTERONE...

OK, I'm off track as usual, while I almost can't function if I feel my hands are dirty or theres germs on the grocery cart,or the dog needs a bath, etc....I have no problem with the messes my son makes during the days...As you can see in the pictures, he likes drawers, and throwing everything out of them first, and 'cooking' which usually ends up with crushed cheerios on the kitchen floor. He is an only child still despite our trying, and I know I give him a little leway if he wants to make sure there is nothing left in any drawer or shelf by the end of the night..
I just do a speed cleaning session before my husband gets home....because! this bothers Him!we are opposite...he doesn't notice every little germ that I do, but if all of the pots and pans and tupperware and utensils are on the floor for the millionth time, I know this bothers him. At least I don't think there are germs when little bubba is doing this.
I think I am like Howard Hughs...he locked himself in a room/house for the last years of his life (if im remembering the movie correctly), because he could only handle his own germs...good thing I'm like that because I get a shower a lot less often now than I used too...I'm pretty greasy if I do say so myself.

Luckily bastians germs and my husbands (thank god) don't bother me...but I could see myself really content in my own little world forever.
This has gotten worse since my sons birth, my claustrophobia, my anxiety, my hate for germs...but all in due time. Thank you to you who have been with me on my journey to healing...Mere Mortal Mama , CreepyUCMama , Midwife, Sage Femme, and emjaybee
.. Amazing women with amazing blogs. Thank you for being in my life. I can feel the optimism and hope
already building in me which is very new. Thank you!

One step closer to healing

2007-01-20T11:20:00.000-08:00

I will write more on this when I have a bit more time....but I just wanted to say thank you to Leigh who replied here and all of the amazing women who replied on a wonderful midwifes blog that I ranted on. I felt the love and the support and got advice and websites. I know healing comes in waves but right now I feel so wonderful and even guilty for still hanging on to this pain and regret, because some women don't have their babies to hug and kiss and I do, and what is more important than that? Thank you. 28 hours of pain and 6 weeks of healing and all of the fear was worth it to have him and I would do it all again times a million if I could have the same outcome that I got. So thank you all for helping me on my path. I feel loved and love heals. Thank you.

But all that truly matters is that he is here with us...

2007-01-19T16:58:00.000-08:00

God I wish I could find the article, but it was some celebrity saying that she went through 7 hours of labor without an epidural and that she felt 'like a champion!'. What the fuck ever! I went through 23 hours of BACK LABOR without an epidural BEFORE being rushed to the ER so they could cut me open (after telling me I could "lose him") and rip my baby out of me (cutting his cord immediately and giving him jaundice)....and I felt like the biggest loser with so much guilt and most likely always will.

I would've DIED if my mom didn't spray my lower back with HOT water for most of the last half of HELL. (meaning the part where my stupid midwife wasn't making my husband drive me back and forth from our house)- (have you ever had multiple back contractions sitting in your car!?!?) so that I could have some hot water, (my only relief!!!!), because the tubs at the birth center were all being taken although at that point, I WAS THE ONLY ONE CURRENTLY IN LABOR!! BITCHES! Not to mention scaring the shit out of my husband who has suffered tragedy before.

Did I mention that they GLUED the glasses that the baby had to wear under the lights to his 1 day old face!? GLUE! Then, to top it all of they wouldn't let me eat...for days! They said I would have gas and it would hurt the incision that was closed by a bunch of gross staples. EXCUSE ME!? Did I just work my ASS OFF for over a day birthing this baby!? and you bitches are telling me I can't eat? I think I was in an alternate universe. Thank God my mom snuck me in some homemade veg soup and after that my man fed me.

I know....at least he is alive and safe here with me and that I made it too. Don't get me wrong, everyday I'm grateful for that and that truly is all that matters that we are all together...but that doesn't make what happened right.
PS, how could a trained midwife not only be 4 weeks off on a due date but also not know if the baby is breech and backwards!! Seems like those would be 2 very important things to know.

I forgot the saddest/sweetest part

2007-01-10T15:40:00.000-08:00

Right when the procedure from hell was finished, Bubba leapt into Daddy's arms and Daddy said to him "say thank you to the dentist" and Bubba, through tears and trauma, said "thank you" He's a better person than I am, thats for damn sure.

Can't believe it

2007-01-09T13:32:00.000-08:00

I finally got my tongue and nose pierced. I was so happy to have my nose done again. It hurt for 1 second. The piercer was so good. Then I decided to get my tongue pierced. I had wanted this for a good 10 years now but always thought it would hurt too bad and my X never wanted me to do it. My man, and son were waiting in the car because no children allowed still...hehe..so I got both done and went out and surprised him. He is so cool, he loves it and has helped me during the painful healing time. Another few weeks and I should be good as new, with 2 new piercings. Tattoos to come, when time and money allow, but now I am very happpy...very very happy. It hurt like a bitch when she stuck the needle in, but she was good. Breathing helped a lot. Everyone told me to breathe, for about 20 hours while I was in labor and it didn't help at all! But when I was concentrating on breathing while I was getting pierced, it helped a lot.

Bubba's first trip to the dentist was this morning. IT WAS TRAUMATIZING! It was supposed to be a free, 20 minute check up. I guess babies are supposed to go in at 12 months or when they get their first tooth, so I thought I should take him in now seeing as he's 20 months and has 16 teeth and counting! Turned out to be over an hour of trauma! 2 of his teeth had decay on it. Most likely because I still let him suck on that damn bottle, although I brush his teeth a lot and he is good at letting me. Anyways, she gave him some med, like baby valium to relax him (but he spit 2/3 of it out so was still wide awake) and then some of the good nitris laughing gas, and then he was supposed to lay still while she scraped off the decay, filled it, glazed it, and dried it. Long story short, I was ready to punch everyone in the room in the face about 2 minutes into this ordeal for holding my baby down so tight. The nitris mask was over his eyes so he was scared. Crazy chick holding his head still (bitch!), she was the worst. The dentist scraping away while he was bleeding, trying to bite her, screaming, shaking, snorting, choking, crying, and breaking mama's heart. The worst part is that Daddy had to hold his hands and I had to hold his little legs. I would probably do it all again because now his teeth are very clean and I just have to keep on brushing, and the decay that would have turned into a cavity is gone. So, between over an hour of Bubba crying, having to come up with $130 on a moments notice, and traumatizing my son again, forgetting to take my pain pill for my tongue, and losing my temper with my man because I felt so bad for giving Bubba this damn bottle when he wants it, we had a great morning! heh. Thank God Michael took a couple of hours off work this morning to come with us. Sebastian really needed him and I really needed him. Little man is sleeping right now which he needed. Now, Michael and I are talking about us going to the dentist...neither of us can remember the last time we went, definitely over a decade ago. I guess it will be our turn to cry...

Tattoos and Fire...or the lack of both...

2007-01-05T22:50:00.000-08:00

So, my brother gave me a $50 gift certificate to a local tattoo shop that he won at a bar for stripping better than the other guy. We decided today was finally the day I could get one of the 5 new tats I want...since I'm not currently pregnant or breastfeeding and since it would be free mostly! So, we called ahead and they said we didn't need an appointment if we came early, so we bundled up the baby and took off...it's only about 20 minutes away...plus the time it took us to find a parking space (we still aren't used to downtown parking and always forget to have quarters handy). So, we walk in and the guy says there are no kids allowed. This pissed me off because I needed them there to help me with the pain, and its not like hes going to tear the place apart (completely), so anyways, we decided Daddy would take him across the street to the library while I got 1 or 2 tattoos! YES! FINALLY! And thanks to my brother, this might actually be affordable! Then the dude says, let me see if theres a spot open, goes to the back, comes back up and says they are booked but I could leave $50 and make an appointment for another day! WTF! I said to him, my husband just called and you told us to come early, so we did. He really had no response, just wanted me to leave a deposit and make and appointment...I did neither and left, and pouted and bitched to my poor husband for about an hour. I really want to spend this GC...my brother did a lot to earn it and he gave it to me of all people! plus I want tattoos sooo bad! But, now I hate this place. But I really want at tattoo, I think I've mentioned that, OR A NOSE PIERCING! I had one once before, my step-mom took me to get it. I loved it, until my X accidentally tugged on it and it bled everywhere and I gave up on it. But me and my man think they are sexy, so I called the place back to see if they had a piercer. They don't but a couple towns north does. So, for whatever reason, I'm thinking about forgoing my tattoos until my bday or anniversay or some other occasion, and driving up and getting a piercing tommorrow! We shall see :) Thanks brother!

As for fire....My 20 month year old son always watches Daddy start fires in our wood stove and tries to help. We know he is fascinated by the matches and always has Grandma light them for him so he can blow them out. At first this was cute because I thought he would be ready for his 2nd birthday cake. But I've noticed his obsession growing. Tonight, Daddy accidentally left the 'strike on box kitchen wood matches' on the counter. Bubba is so tall now that he can reach the counter and he got the box. I told Daddy not to look at him or take them away or react because I really wanted to see what would happen. Under a very controlled environment while I was watching him without him knowing, and Daddy ready to jump at any moment, we waited to see what could possibly happen if we left them in his range again. He opened the box, got out a match, held it by the wood end, struck it against the side of the box, ONCE!!! And in less than a second, a huge flame! My baby was holding a lit match! Not to mention the open box of matches less than an inch away that could go up in smoke, not to mention the house! I could not believe it. My heart stopped. Of course Daddy got to him in one second and blew it out and now we have promised to only store them on the top top shelf on the cabinet, but still!!! Of course we all hear about how kids playing with matches burn the house down, but my 20 month old!?!?!? With his little tiny hands!! ON HIS FIRST TRY! ALL BY HIMSELF!!! I wouldn't believe it unless I saw it. Oh goodie, ANOTHER Thing to be extremely paranoid about...what is this, #4328? and still counting!! I had no idea how precisely babies mimick us until recently. I knew he was a genius but seriously! SERIOUSLY!!

I remembered some more stuff about me!

2006-12-30T17:04:00.000-08:00

I hate germs, so much to the point that I am almost paralyzed when I think there are germs around.
I have a hard time watching movies or playing games, I think it is an attention scan thing.
I LOVE throwing things away! especially during a waning moon, my trash/recycle bins are always full and i love it!
I gave away all of my animals (even a cat I had for 8+ years!) except for our puppy watch too much TV!

100 things about me!

2006-12-30T14:41:00.000-08:00

If you are reading this, then TAG! you are it! Your turn!! I'm waiting!! Anyways, I've been working on this for 3-4 days now and have only come up with 72 things... might be 73, I can't seem to get a counter on this thing. OK, tada! for your reading pleasure, 73 (or 74?!) things you might, and might not want to know about Kim!

I'm a homebody
I hate crowds
I hate loud noises
I only like jewelry I pick out
I would protect my husband and son at all costs
I have 3 full siblings, and 7 step-siblings, and out of the 7 step-siblings, there are 2 sets of twin girls from 2 different families!
I have a keen sense of smell and hearing, which isn't always a good thing
I have OCD
My husband accepts everything about me
I only wear silver
I believe in vampires
I believe in unicorns and faeries
I've had too many sexual partners to list
I have 4 tattoo's and want a dozen more
I'm high strung
If I'm making a 'to-do' list, I can relax a bit
I love gay people
I don't believe in a God, that is a man up in heaven or his son.
I stick with religions that celebrate women
I want many more children right away
I talk too much shit eerrr, have lots of strong opinions :)
and love too much
I feel everything and am super sensitive
'To each his own' is very important to me.
Everyday I am grateful to myself that I didn't get my son circumsized
I think dairy is the devil
I don't believe in hell
Side effects from vaccinations scare the shit out of me yet I vaccinated my son
I a hypochondriac
I'm not always nice to my soulmate
I get frustrated easily if things aren't in order
I love Sara Mclaughlin
I love pictures and memories and scrapbooks and journals
I am not in touch with anyone from my highschool except my sisters and my X.
I get cold easily
I love hot baths, but usually fall asleep in them
I am crazy and anal about a lot of things like baby-proofing
I am lazy except when I feel passionate about something
I love being a housewife
I love being a SAHM
I love the first day of snow of the season
I love the moon more than anything
My favorite color is blue
I've been loved deeper than I thought possible
I need to lose 100 lbs.
I wish I could smoke pot
I'm very very picky about porn
I think we should only be allowed to eat organic and local foods...(can i have a side of poison with that?)
I think tattooed men are sexy
I don't ovulate or produce progesterone, yet I do produce too much testorone which is why many think I'm a bitch!
I hate taking pills/prescriptions
I love running errands and making lists
I budget/balance money, etc. every day, several times a day
I hate seeing dead bodies, the ones I've seen before (at funerals) give me nightmares to this day.
I don't think I've slept a night where I don't think someone is going to break in and kill me.
I would like to say to anyone I see wearing fur: "Would you like me to anally electrocute you and your children and then skin you semi-alive, so that I can be trendy?"
Watching Ice skating makes me cry
7 Guys have asked me to marry them
6 Guys have told me I am their soulmate
I have one soulmate god damnit! (Michael of course)
I believe what most psyhics say to me
I'd love to live off the grid and have my family eat only from my garden
I am overly sensitive
I have an addictive personality
I've kissed 4 girls in my life, or was it 5, and yes, alcohol was involved every time
I want to raise my children by the cycles of the earth
16 is my favorite number
One of the main reasons I moved my family when my son was 6 weeks old (and my nephew as 2 days old) was because I wanted to raise him in a place with more seasons...I think that is very important.
School wasn't for me
I'm glad my husband is smart
I feel guilty most of the time for one thing or another, even more so since my son was cut out of me.
Did I mention, my son was upside down inside of me (right side up), and I never knew it!
I couldn't be more in debt to anyone than my husband for making the decision (after the books and materials and huge-ass blow up pool, and umbilical clip, and placenta bowl, etc. were already bought and paid for!!) that we were having our son with the midwives...which led to the hospital which led to a healthy baby, whereas, I was going to birth him at home, and to not get too into it, that would've gone terribly-heartbreakingly wrong- Go Daddy!
I don't believe in hell
I think desert rain is so beautiful and the best smell on earth
I have lots of regrets, but if all of my choices landed me where I was today, then it was all worth it.
Nobody's sunsets are as magnificent as Tucsons!
I love my house and slate tile!
I am finally happy.

Hope the pallette dropper didn't get hurt!

2006-12-29T15:36:00.000-08:00

So, anyways, the only place Michael really has thats all his own in this house in the office, and it was in sad shape. And with Xmas and his Bday being so close together, we decided we could splurge a little on him (not to mention he works 50+ hours of OT on each paycheck and never asks for anything.) So we went to Office Depot to look at desks. This guy said that he had dropped an entire pallette of desks and hutches. The boxes were beat up pretty bad, but we could not see any damage inside, just lots of broken styrophome. The guy had already marked them down considerably (about $200 off of each), but I wanted them just a bit lower. Just asking him got him to take another $50 bucks off the desk. We left, thought about it, then came back and said we would take the desk. But we wanted the hutch too just didn't think we could afford it also. So he said he would throw in the hutch and only raise the price of the total by $150. Michael was in the middle of saying we couldn't get the hutch when he felt a sharp pain in his back. I had to pinch him because I knew what the salesguy was going to say next (about combining the 2 and knocking off another 60% ish off the hutch.) Anyways, it went smoothly, and after one more attempt to ask him if we could have both pieces for $500.00 out the door, instead of $500.00 plus tax, (he said no), we headed up towards the cash register. While checking us out, the cashier gave us an unexpected 20% off, which took our total down to $400.00 plus tax! $425 total! We ran!
So, not only did we get the whole thing for about 75% off of its orginal price, but when we left the store, we had gotten both pieces for the price of the first discounted piece when we had walked in (because he dropped the pallette!). It was so amazing, and I'm very picky about wood and wood colors and it is very beautiful, matches the wood floor, opens up our window to the wintery wonderland, and has so much storage space for all his stuff. Happy Bday and Merry Xmas sexy man, hope you are happy:) (THEN HE PUT THE WHOLE DAMN THING TOGETHER IN 2 DAYS WHICH, TRUST ME, WAS IMPOSSIBLE!) So, now we will eat ramen noodles for the next month and dry our socks by the fire, but it was worth it ;P HEEEEEHAAWWW!

Michaels new toy...

2006-12-29T15:30:00.000-08:00

MY REASON FOR BREATHING TAKE II!

2006-12-27T17:00:00.000-08:00

My reason for breathing...

2006-12-27T16:57:00.000-08:00

and yes, i know i published those other pics twice but don't know how to undo them so oh well. ;)

2006-12-27T16:56:00.000-08:00

2006-12-27T16:52:00.000-08:00

Brown time

2006-12-27T16:22:00.000-08:00

Witches sometimes refer to this period between Yule (Xmas) and New Years (or Chinese New Years (Jan or sometimes Feb) as 'brown time' or the 'brown period'....anyways...I love this time...the time where things are just still...and brown...nothing is dying, nothing is turning green, things just are...
It is a nice time for me to just breathe and relax after a busy Halloween (Samhain), busy Thanksgiving (for Americans), and busy Xmas (Yule)...a time to just chill....which I really need. I can eat the wrong foods, drink too much, not call the creditors, not organize the bills, not do every bit of laundry in the house, not return all of the phone calls, etc. Brown time is a time where I can just be Kim. It only lasts for a week or 3 but I relish it.
Soon comes the resolutions and the new life goals, and the to do lists, and then Spring with the cleansings and the rebirths and the MILLIONS of things that comes with that...(Im not complaining) but now I can just be. I love it.
My sexy man bought me an obsidian crystal ball for Yule time and a ring of silver and aquamarine...(or blue topaz)...I'm so lucky.
All that matters in life is that I was able to spend the holiday with my local family. We had Italian for dinner which was perfect and enjoyed each other which made my heart very happy for my son's 2nd Yule.

A little bragging...I mean, update, on the boy

2006-12-15T16:34:00.000-08:00

This is all of his vocabulary that I can think of right now:

Words he can say:
More -Moooore
Milk
TV
DVD
Daddy
mama
Zeuss
Rarrr!
bath
juice (sometimes)
grandma
grandpa (sometimes)
southpark (his favorite word)
ball
bar (food)
Uh-OOOO (thanks to his cousin)
hot
stop
truck
bye bye
i love you
socks
shoes
banana
night night
he tries to say controller
up
no (sometimes)
shoes
cheese (although we just took him off cheese)
all done
all gone

Words he can sign:
fan
more
drink
food
hot
cold (so cute!)
music
poop
hurt
lotion
ball
all done
toothbrush

he used to sign 'play', 'Sebastian', 'mama', & 'dada', but not since hes gotten older

working on in voice
yes
thank you

he tries to say light and points every light out then tries to blow it out

working on in sign
train
baby
dirty
outside
thank you
shoes
work
book
read
hat
sleep
where

understands in sign
water
wait
mama
dada
phone
dog
upstairs
Plus all the ones he can sign

im surprised he doesn't say computer yet and im working on moon, but what i realize from this list is what i need to be working on are animals and animal sounds more.

he can point to every part of his body when asked and is so good when it comes to his nap and nighttime rituals. he really impresses me everynight how good he is getting his teeth brushed, putting on his special shoes, and going to sleep. i think its because we've done the same thing every night since birth and i have the best husband ever.

My men

2006-12-14T14:57:00.000-08:00

2006-12-10T15:22:00.000-08:00

Nothing wrong with feeling comforted

2006-12-10T14:53:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about what to teach my son about Xmas. Do I teach him my beliefs? or the beliefs that 90% of his fellow Americans believe? Or do I teach him nothing, and let him eventually find his own beliefs? His Daddy doesn't want to lie to him about Santa, so thats out.
I was flipping thru the channels on the car stereo and Xmas music came on. I left it and sang along and sang to my son and had a good time. I was thinking about my childhood holidays and what the whole thing means and I came to at least one realization: That regardless of what I believe...the whole story behind Christmas is a very comforting one. Hell, the whole story behind Christianity is very comforting. In short, there was an amazing man who loved a young woman and helped her on a journey. Then a baby boy was born. Who doesn't love baby boys? The boy was here to save everyone! Thats good news. He grew into a teacher so everyone could be on the same page. Then very dramatically he was murdered but somehow that was OK because then everyone for the next million years could be 'saved'. (from what?) yes, yes, I'm skeptical and cynical, but its a very comforting story. This mans murder was OK because now no one would have to go to hell if they only worshipped this man their whole lives. And this man, even though he was dead would help everyone whenever they needed it! So everyone could go to heaven and live happily ever after.
See? It is a very comforting story, I felt very comforted while singing Christmas songs yesterday and thinking about the holiday.
However, I don't believe in hell, so I don't live my life scared that everytime I say "Shit",or drink pepsi, or loved a man, or just be plain me, I was one step closer to it.
I'm not putting down Christianity. Like I said, I believe strongly that to each his own, plus the fact that I would really hate it if everyone was the same. Truly.
I'm just recounting the story as I was taught it. I think that if I believed that there was a man that could save me from going thru hell or going to 'hell', then I would want to get on his good side and do everything he told me to do...in fact, I have been that person before. But I don't think theres a hell or that I'm going to it, or that theres a man that could save me from it.
I live scared way too much and I work on it daily, but luckily this is not one thing I am scared of..whew!
Back to my point, my son...of course we are going to have a wonderful holiday. His daddy doesn't have to work, we will light a fire, look at lights, eat good food, watch movies, open presents, perhaps have a snowball fight or two and just be a family together. I think this is what I will focus on until he gets a little older and we teach him the dozens of different beliefs people have about this holiday and let him chose which one fits his beliefs best. My parents pushed religion on me (because its what they were taught was the 'right' thing to do), and now out of the 6 of us only 1 still goes to church...well, that church...another 1 of us goes to another church. So, I'm afraid that if my husband and I (whose beliefs are a tad different) push our beliefs/religion on our son, that he will rebel as well, or whatever you want to call it, and have a hard time figuring out what he truly believes like his Mama.

Consumerism

2006-12-04T16:09:00.000-08:00

I don't like a lot of 'stuff'. I don't like clutter in my home. My home is a good size for my family now, but it wouldn't be if I didn't love throwing things out, recycling, or donating. I get so excited every full moon, for many reasons, but one of them is that for the next 2 weeks, the moon will be getting smaller and that assists me in decluttering my stuff. I love going thru Bubba's clothes that he is quickly outgrowing, and boxing them up for them next baby. I feel anxiety if I have something for a long amount of time if I don't use it or if I don't have a place for it. I would rather it just be gone. I also know that feng shui doesn't like to work around clutter. The chi energies flow (and work their magick) much better in clean, clear, organized space. Another good reason...if my house is organized and simplified, it helps me to keep lil bubba safe...I don't have to worry as much as I would have to if I stored a lot of odds and ends that are bitesized that he could get into. Don't get me wrong, I am a historian at heart and can't bear to part with a memory. The only times I have thrown away (or burned) a picture, a letter, a sentimental object, is when I HAD TO. I have boxes and boxes of my memories and multiple scrapbooks...they are just organized and have their own place. My husband has a lot of stuff. Lots. This gave me anxiety for a while, until we moved into this house where he has an office of his own. I lost my point along the way, which is Christmas, or Xmas as I like to call it. It has been in my heart for years...a feeling that something was not right. My sister and I would go hungry year after year, just to spend every last dollar we had on gifts for our growing family. We would make sure everything was wrapped beautifully, and that everyone had multiple gifts. We would spend thousands. Yes we chose to do this. Over the years the unbalance of this started to let me know that this wasn't right. It has nothing to do with how much we received...it had to do with how much money, time and energy we put into this holiday year after year. It didn't feel right to me and it still doesn't. I like celebrating as much as anyone and I love giving gifts, especially on birthdays. But to go to all this effort for one day doesn't make sense to me. I like to think that I am simple, frugal person that doesn't buy into consumerism or commercialism. I think in another place at another time, I would enjoy the gift giving part of Xmas, but the way this country has taken it, doesn't appeal to me. I don't like to be lied to, I don't like people to think I am dumb, I don't like to be talked out of my hard earned money. This is how I feel all commercials and most stores are treating me. If the choice is between one more plastic, colorful, non educational toy for my son, or extra money to buy organic foods, or gas, or birthday for his daddy, I will forgo the toy. Don't get me wrong, I had the best Xmas's as a child. I have wonderful memories that will always be with me, and I was very lucky. My current feelings do not come from personal experience as a child. They come from my feelings as an adult now. I want to create wonderful memories and create family traditions and teach my son about why Xmas is a holiday and how gift giving and celebration came into play. A little blurb from the VivaciousVegan: "Christmas began as a pagan holiday. In the ancient Babylonian world, shortly before the winter solstice (December 17th to the 23rd), superstitious pagans believed that as the days grew shorter, the sun would eventually vanish completely. To encourage the sun’s return North, they worshipped with elaborate rituals and ceremonies. On the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year, it appeared that the sun stood still. Believing that their implorations were successful, the pagans joyfully celebrated with drinking, feasting and dancing. A week later, when they were able to see that the days were in fact growing longer, a new year was declared.Fast-forward to ancient Rome, under the rule of Emperor Constantine. Prior to Constantine, Christianity was illegal and it's practice was punishable by death. Constantine knew he could use religion as a political tool to bring peace to his Empire and obtain willing soldiers for his militia so he declared Christianity the official religion and forced all pagans to be baptized in the Roman Church. However, Pagans still practiced the same ancient Bablylonian sun worshiping, which had further evolved to include the birthday celebration of the gods Saturn (god of harvest) and Mithras (god of light). This pagan worshiping made a mockery of the church. In an attempt to pacify the pagans, Constantine Christianized their pagan idolatries and declared December 25th to be a celebration of the birthday of Christ. In this manner, pagans were able to continue worshiping in a manner consistent with the church (the name change technicalities didn’t matter to the pagans). " But I don't want to teach bubba everything and celebrate in our own way, AND take him out in the cold, try to find a parking space, try to find the perfect presents for over 3 dozen people, fight the lines, try to comfort him while hes screaming while we are standing in line, bundle him up, get to the car again, and do it all over again....37 times. Not to mention money. Now that I have my little family, what money we do have, I would love for it to go to them, for the things I know they could use and need, like glasses, a trip to the dentist, certain clothes, certain educational 'toys'. Of course I want everyone I love to have everything they want, but thats not a possibility so why pretend it is and have a stressful holiday? Not to mention a statistic I read today on MotherJones.com...that we spend 8 billion DOLLARS! a year in Xmas decorations...which is 4 TIMES what we give to protect animals and the environment. Yuck. Of course giving gifts is fun and can be enjoyable and create lots of memories, its just when we or I overdo it or do it for the wrong reasons like out of feelings of obligation. What I do like is that I have started to get into cooking. And I like that other than my little family, I have extended family here in the city. So I am very blessed and know that I will have a peaceful, fulfilling celebration with my beloved family and still have enough money left over for my husbands birthday in early January. And I can go to sleep at night knowing that some big money making evil company did not take me for a fool with their advertising, which I'm sure the advertising money alone could feed all of the starving babies and house all of the neglected animals. I vote with my dollars and intend to live more consciously, and this is one more way that my house will stay clutter free so we can live more purposefully and healthily....(i know its not a word but it works..hehe)

Strep, Flu?, Food Poisoning, Oh MY!

2006-11-29T13:55:00.000-08:00

I was feeling a little left out as my Dad, sister, 2 nephews, brother in law, other sister, mom, husband and son all were sick in one way or another. So, the day we were having Thankgiving which was the day after Thanksgiving, because that is when my brother and his girlfriend could make it, I got sick, sooo sick. My lovely plans of drinking rum and egg nog with rum, and apple cider with rum, while cooking all got shot to hell. I still held it together long enough to cook the vegan half of our dinner, while my mom cooked the carnivore half....but that was it. I would be doing nothing but crying, shitting, and puking (simultaneously!) for the next 2 days. If you've ever shit (shitted?, shat?) and puked at the same time for an extended period of time while watching your baby vomit everywhere throughout the entire night, you can see how close I really was to calling an ambulance just so I could get some morphine, demoral, percocet? delivered to me. I would not have been picky at this point. I just thought the only way out of this was to be passed out. But since even one ounce of water would send me into my aforementioned simultaneous party of hell, I couldn't take anything for the....whatever the hell I had. Did you know there is a layer of something after the bile? Nasty.
A few nights ago, my husband and I woke up to our baby vommiting uncontrollably. Thank God he sleeps with us or this couldn've been bad. I changed the sheets, husband changed him, and we all laid back down, and then more puke and then more and then more! And then when his little tummy was empty, he was dry heaving and choking for a few hours. I sent the man to the couch around 6 am, because a few hours of sleep before he worked would be nice. At 9 am, I took booboo to the pediatrician. After checking him over and over, she determined everything looked and sounded fine, but then thought that sometimes with babies that the only symptom of strep throat is vomiting. She swabbed for it and it came back positive!!?!?!? I cried. He has never had strep throat before, I was not prepared. We have been very lucky that he has never had an earache before, and maybe 2 or 3 runny noses in 19 months (Knock on wood). So, we did the antibiotic thing. ( I won't bore you with what it took for me to make this agonizing decision), we went the one time, slow released shot that hurt him so bad.
I felt fine for about a day, maybe it was the adrenalin, and was busy spoiling him. Then whatever I had set in and decided to make itself at home.
My husband felt sick too, the 3 of us started feeling sick at the same time on the same morning, and then it got worse and worse, which is why we thought of food poisoning. We had all had eggs at IHOP 2 days before, and I really think it was this. In 29 years I had never felt like this and I have never had food poisoning. I think we had it, and we had it bad.
I'm still not better, still cannot think, but I cannot complain at all because the days of sitting on the toilet holding a bucket have seemed to pass.
I think my husband made me better. He is such a healer. I cried all day yesterday trying to take good care of my baby while feeling horrible. I was in such despair. Then my husband comes home early from work, with all kinds of fluids, and saltine crackers (we checked, I'm not pregnant), he built me a big fire, and took care of booboo. He gave me a massage because I was so sore, then I slept for a full night. And now I still feel it in me, but I AM SO MUCH BETTER!
This has led me to wonder why I trust other people with my families health. I meticulously check the dates on food and throw out anything the day before it expires. I am very serious about this. But then, why would I trust a cook at IHOP to be as careful with food at I am? I mean, God, what if it was Ecoli, like the little 2 year old up north just died from? I dont' think I will ever eat eggs again, and I don't think we will be dining out anymore either. I am going to take our grocery money, plus the money we will be saving from not going out to eat, not buying dairy, eggs, pepsi, rum, copious amounts of rice or soy milk for booboo's bottle (we successfully weaned him! Yay!) and processed foods, and take all that money and go straight to Wild Oats and buy Fresh, ORGANIC, local fruits and veggies, and whole ingredients to make meals (imagine that!) I'm going to stop saying I don't have enough money to eat organic or to fix organic meals for my family, because obviously I have enough money for all that other crap. And this has taught me how important what my family eats is, especially a 30 lb. baby...this could've been so much worse.
I feel so much closer to little bubba after staying up all night that first night watching him breathe, and making sure he did not choke. It was sad, but bonding. And my knight of a husband comes to the rescue again and fixes the world as usual. And while I was sick, we got the first snow of the season! It was so beautiful. Mom and I raced out front to gather the rest of the Walnuts from our tree. We both felt too sick to do this, but walnuts are important and expensive. The snow is sticking on the ground, it is beautiful and booboo can say Snow. Ahhh, life is perfect. I HOPE THE REST OF YOU ARE FEELING BETTER TOO! <3

WHY OH WHY

2006-11-20T18:02:00.000-08:00

Why have I chosen for this week to be the week I wean my absurdly addicted 19 month old baby off of his dearly beloved bottle? BECAUSE, this is the week that his 2 top pointy hurtful incisors are making their wonderful entrance into this world. YEAH! I'm so smart! Poor little baby. If only he had a smart mom, and not just a mom that cared solely on his baby teeth. I swear to god, if his one teeth wasn't showing some discoleration (bottle ROT!), then this boy would have a rice milk bottle every hour the rest of his life, as he wants. But I have to be the responsible mom now, and tell him, no more. So, this leads to my precious angel, annunciating, M-O-O-R-E M-I-L-K, so perfectly, and then his Mama, with such joy that his can talk so well, saying, "no Bastian, no more milk", "Look, here is the 10th sippy cup we have bought you, look there is nice warm milk in it for you, look there is plenty of juice and fresh water, your favorite!"...all so he can throw it at me with all his might and cry on the kitchen floor for the beforementioned 8 hours (plus a short nap). WHY WHY WHY!!! This is an evil trick being played upon him, by ME! of all people! The one who has nurtured him for every second since his awful emergency c-section into this world. My poor baby. But again, to the point..his teeth. They mean a lot to me, so thats why I'm doing this. The end. PS, his pediatrician promised me this won't harm him psychologically, and she better be right, OR ELSE!!!!!

Special Foot

2006-11-20T16:49:00.000-08:00

I accidentally added

a pic of his super straight foot while I was adding his mirage of bottle sucking photos. Which gives me a good opportunity to say how straight his little clubbed foot is now. We were so lucky to find our Podiatrist, and that his surgery, his castS and now his special brace at night all worked so well on his little foot. It is completely straight and his is walking perfectly, we are very lucky. In the last photo there, you can see the Wolfie that competes with Mama for his #3 love in life, haha.

Why my baby hates me

2006-11-20T16:20:00.000-08:00

Good question. Is it because I'm ATTEMPTING to take away his bottle full of rice or soy milk that he is ADDICTED to?! Good lord, I have never seen a baby so oral for this specific nipple. Since day ONE he knew what he wanted, and here we are, 18 months later, extremely addicted. You think your baby is having a hard time giving up the bottle? I have never seen a baby so crazy. He hates pacifiers, he would not nurse on me no matter how hard I tried. He wants this bottle 24 hours a day full or empty, just as long as he is sucking on it. At this point it is completely to pacify, completely to comfort. The reason I am so crazy you ask?! Because of course I want to pacify and comfort my baby! I remember the first bottle he ever had and those few minutes were the most satisfying of my entire life....to know that my baby is comforted, his suckling need is being attended to, and above all, his belly is getting full. Theres no feeling like it in the world. Now, of course, he doesn't need it to fill his belly, which helps me. But his latest visit to his pediatrician changed the world. "Get him off the bottle, off the rice milk, this week, period!" Of course I know this is for his teeths sake and that is very important to me. If it weren't for this, I would not be consuming my every waking hour trying to hold back the tears while trying to wean him. TRYING is the key word there. This leads me to my new realization that my baby hates me. His list of loves goes like this: #1 Daddy....#2 Bottles....#3? who knows, it could be a tie between his puppy Zeus, his stuffed wolf his Uncle Ian and Auntie Jenny and cousin Khris bought for him, or his Mama. It all gets kinda melded together. Am I bitter? Nah. I want my baby to be happy and whatever makes him happy makes me happy. Am I sad. Of course. I have nurtured and loved this baby every day and night for 19 months. I have given him every thing he wants, I have done everything for him. I live for him. My days are all planned around him. However, I know he is a man, and I should know by now, thanks to my old Scorpio, that I could love a man so completely for a very long time, and still mean nothing to them in the end. OK back to the point, his teeth, I scrub the hell out of them many times a day, and still one of them looks a little off colored. Which is THE reason he cannot have another bottle with milk in it no matter how long he screams and whines. His record is 8 hours, minus a short nap. My husband says I am just weak. But when it comes to my babies #2 love in his whole life, it is hard for me not to give it to him. Hopefully, by the next post, life will be a little calmer! Happy Thanksgiving!

I conformed

2006-11-14T16:42:00.000-08:00

Well, after never adding blogs or pics to my bluesilvermoon site after forever, and after using the sexy mans myspace for my communicative needs, I finally decided to just do it. Just go to blogspot. hehe. I hope to be better at this one at updating it and such and keeping connected with you all, because I can actually do this one myself. Booboo is sleeping now because he just got his flu shot today and was not happy and needed a nice big nap. I needed a nap too from all of the anxiety I always build up from deciding to vacinate him...but all I did was have a nightmare of when I took my eyes off him when the door to Grandpa's pool was open...sigh. Look for me later because I swear I will be here! -K