God I wish I could find the article, but it was some celebrity saying that she went through 7 hours of labor without an epidural and that she felt 'like a champion!'. What the fuck ever! I went through 23 hours of BACK LABOR without an epidural BEFORE being rushed to the ER so they could cut me open (after telling me I could "lose him") and rip my baby out of me (cutting his cord immediately and giving him jaundice)....and I felt like the biggest loser with so much guilt and most likely always will.
I would've DIED if my mom didn't spray my lower back with HOT water for most of the last half of HELL. (meaning the part where my stupid midwife wasn't making my husband drive me back and forth from our house)- (have you ever had multiple back contractions sitting in your car!?!?) so that I could have some hot water, (my only relief!!!!), because the tubs at the birth center were all being taken although at that point, I WAS THE ONLY ONE CURRENTLY IN LABOR!! BITCHES! Not to mention scaring the shit out of my husband who has suffered tragedy before.
Did I mention that they GLUED the glasses that the baby had to wear under the lights to his 1 day old face!? GLUE! Then, to top it all of they wouldn't let me eat...for days! They said I would have gas and it would hurt the incision that was closed by a bunch of gross staples. EXCUSE ME!? Did I just work my ASS OFF for over a day birthing this baby!? and you bitches are telling me I can't eat? I think I was in an alternate universe. Thank God my mom snuck me in some homemade veg soup and after that my man fed me.
I know....at least he is alive and safe here with me and that I made it too. Don't get me wrong, everyday I'm grateful for that and that truly is all that matters that we are all together...but that doesn't make what happened right.
PS, how could a trained midwife not only be 4 weeks off on a due date but also not know if the baby is breech and backwards!! Seems like those would be 2 very important things to know.
2 comments:
I found your blog via Sage Femme and had to drop a line to let you know my heart is with you. I too had an amazing homebirth planned. Labored for almost 24 hours at home, beauituflly and pain free, until at 9cm my midwife discovered she was "sitting" (Breech). Now in my case, I don't doubt the wisdom of my MW or fault her in any way. However, I too was transported and ended up with a C-section. 18 months later the pain is still raw and pulsing and sometimes too defying for worlds. Healing has come in leaps and bounds but I know I still have a journey ahead. However, the experience has lead me to become a doula and a birth advocate. And, I'm due in June with #2. :) We have to band together, to heal ourselves and our babies, to let the world know our bodies are perfect and know how to birth. I'm hoping for you that you can find a way to do a VBAC...and maybe not use an OB...
Good luck, goddess, good luck.
XOXO
Awww, I just noticed after looking at your lil' boys pix again that he had breech baby "frog" legs just like my girl! I remember how they stayed that way for quite some time and how it made swaddling a bit more challenging. :)
XOXO
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