Wednesday, November 21, 2007

A Carnivore that rides a bike leaves a bigger carbon footprint than a Vegan who drives a SUV, its a proven fact!

I am a Female...I have made MILK....I have had swollen, ENGORGED breasts...on the verge of infected Mastisis. I have had a son who I bonded with in less than the time it took for him to take his first breath or have his first cry. I can identify with a 'dairy' cow. A mama who is artificially inseminated 3 or more times a year since she was 1 year old...or raped...all to have her baby stolen from her within hours of birth. Despite what many think, Cows are very maternal, and cry for their babies long after they are gone. I have had a son...a boy baby. If I were a cow, my boy baby would be stolen from me, never to return...only to live a horribly torturous, miserable, short life, a byproduct of the veal industry...the same torture as the Mama Cow...the only thing worse than her horrible life as a dairy cow is her inhumane, unfathomably tortoruous slaughter. If I had a girl, she would still be stolen from me, and eventually after being raped and inseminated, year after year...suffer the same fate as I...having my throat slit open without pain killers, having my trachea ripped out, then being left to bleed to death which can take many many hours...and they are the lucky ones.
I can relate. I am a female, I make milk, I've had a babe. My heart aches for what the mama cows go through...unfathomable torture day in and day out..unspeakable torture...no matter how much denial most of this country is in...it still happens...it is still a reality.

I have so much to say

I have a lot to say. I have a lot to say about birth, and vaccinations, and child abuse and animal abuse and animal torture and the veal industry and veganism, and AUTISM, and Paganism. What I know is that no one listens if I'm 280 lbs. with very short dark brown hair. I know this because I was once skinny with long blonde hair and did my makeup everyday. I have a lot to say to my sons future teachers and schools. I have to be taken seriously and I know how to get that accomplished...look good. I accept this social stereotype because I have lived it. I'm not even offended by it because I know it to be true...it is what America accepts and since I live here, I accept it. I have been the girl that has everything done for her and given to her and I have been the girl that has been the recipient of massive rudeness and ignored while having my thoughts ignored. Being an activist at heart, I realize this does not work for me. I am currently detoxing, losing weight, redoing my outward appearance...for my health and future, and my sons future, and so people will listen to what I have to say. I have a lot to say. I am EXTREMELY PASSIONATE about so much...about toxic lead filled toys from China...about proving that we are poisoning our children with mercury in the form of Thimerosol in vaccinations....to the evils of the veal/DAIRY industry, and the torture and pain we inflict upon animals. To the voiceless words of young babes being hurt, scared, and abused...to the comfort and joy I feel with the neo pagan movement. I'm not ignorant to the facts of what fellow humans want their activists to look like to be taken seriously, and I must be taken seriously because I am passionate about what i have to say and there is so much to say [to stop the pain, cruelty, torture and misunderstanding....so that there is worldwide compassion and acceptance].
-Kim

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Cleanse

Where to start...I guess first things first is that I'm detoxing. I have been for about a week now...I decided to quit the Pepsi. My addiction to Pepsi was outta control!! More than a 2L a day. I wouldn't eat unless I had pepsi to go with it. I wanted off of it, mostly because of the evil High fructose Corn syrup! I mean, I go out of my way to buy ketchup, bbq sauce, jellies and jams, juices, etc. that don't have it in it, even pasta sauce! I mean, come on! HFCS is one of the reasons I'm so fat. It is evil and hidden in sooooooo many items! So, while chugging my liter of HFCS one day, I realized change is inevitable. I went cold turkey. I had so much caffeine built up in my system that it took about 2 days for my withdrawl headache to kick in. After a day or so of intense pain, my sister and I realized that I could drink coffee. Afterall the reason I was getting off Pepsi was for the HFCS, not the caffiene. I have no idea how to spell that word. Anyways, so I had a nice cup of hot coffee and voila, no headache...ahhh how the aches and pains of detoxing are soothed out when that headache is gone. My doctor said my heart can't have caffeine, but I'm not going to be a coffee addicted freak like I once was in my early 20's. But I am have officially switched from Pepsi to coffee and am happy about it. I am drinking water like never before. I figure the more water I drink, the faster I will detox so I'm drinking. The only other beverage I have had is limeade, with no HFCS. It does the trick.

I am doing my version of oral chelation (heavy metal detox) which is cilantro. I buy it in the tincture which is in alcohol and very strong, so I the 40 drops into my limeade and it covers the taste.

I am also doing a liver cleanse by way of Milk Thistle, and blood cleanse by way of Greens....which is what I call it, its basically every good green veggie including wheatgrass in a powder form that I put in my ice cold water (thanks Brian!)with organic lemon juice.

I am also doing a candida cleanse, I can't think of the name of the product right now and since I'm tucked away in bed with my 2 guys snoring away, it'll have to wait....but there is a capsule and a tincture, it was $35 which is too much for me, but I feel it is necessary, plus I wanted to know what I'll be putting Bastian through next month.

With the greens and lemon juice everday, I'm also alkalizing my body which will eventually refine my palette and I will enjoy vegan foods even more....not to mention lose weight because my body won't be an acidic, inflamed environment anymore.

I've also started walking, everday, on my new treadstepper, but since I'm so out of shape I have it on just treadmill mode, which still makes me sweat so I figure its all good.

I also have finally completely taken dairy and eggs out of my diet.YEAH VEGAN!!!
I have been vegetarian now for 6 years and have made the transition to STRICT VEGANISM and am very happy about it.

Oh yeah and how could I forget the Captain...I haven't drinken any alcohol (rum) since I started this cleanse over a week ago!

I can't say I have huge noticeable affects yet but I know they are coming!

I did notice tonight that I was happy, smiling and laughing..something I don't always feel like doing....maybe this is working, or maybe its because my sexy husband took lil bubba to the museum today for 4 hours while I soaked in a bubblebath and surfed the web!

I always try to detox when the moon is waning, but it just worked out that I started on the new moon, so I'm going to cleanse for 28 days instead of 2 weeks, and take advantage of the 2 weeks of waning moon coming up (and really get the toxins and rotting crap out of my body), and end on a new moon. Then rebuild during the next 2 weeks of the waxing moon.

My goal is to lose 120 lbs., and this is the first step of my journey...and I'm also going to start Yoga.

Friday, October 5, 2007

PS

He graduated from his special shoes at night. So, after 8 casts, 1 surgery and 5 pairs of special shoes at night, (with a horrible metal bar between them)...WE ARE DONE! WHEW! We did it! At the beginning of it, when he was born with his little clubbed foot and I heard the therapy took almost 3 years, I didn't know if we'd make it, but we did, and it was successful! Dr. says his foot is perfect! He's such a trooper :)

I was born to tell him I love him

Today, my precious baby boy got officially diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. More specifically Pervasive Developemental Disorder:Not Otherwise Specified with Sensory Intergration Disorder. I have heard the Doctors 'opinions' for months now, but today was the officially diagnosis.
After 2 hours at that appointment, we got in the car...me, crying of course with the shock of this 'lifelong diagnosis'...so I turned on the radio and 'Beautiful Day' by U2 was on. Just then a train passed us and we followed it on the windy streets in the hills while my baby yelled "TRAIN!!" over and over. The sky was cloudy and it was sprinkly. It was beautiful.
As I sit here still crying, I am OK. It's not Full blown Autism, which I picture on the left side of the Spectrum. Its PDD:NOS which is somewhere in the middle. The doctors suspect it will turn into Aspergers when his speech develops. His IQ is 91 which is only one point above 'below average', but officially he is average. They also suspect this will go up dramatically, also leading to the Aspergers diagnosis because hes very smart.
I will give all of the details tommorrow, I need to go cuddle with my guys and process this all.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Beautiful



I wouldn't change him for the world




I got a letter in the mail from the Developemental Pediatrician that we saw a few weeks ago. It was his 4 page assessment of Seb. He has not been diagnosed yet. It was all very interesting, I guess the most poignoint sentence was "I strongly believe Sebastian qualifies for having Autism Spectrum Disorder, and that subsequent testing will prove so". It was informative, and heartbreaking. It was just a lot in one day. I keep going over it, cotacting who he wants me to contact and doing what he wants me to be doing.
Inhome ABA costs $75 an house which is over $2,100 a week. So, I am learning ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) myself so I can do it with him. I don't see why not. We have also started schooling. I will start keeping track of everything. We are taking him off of the sleep medicine the Dr. put him on. Especially now that he doesn't have to wear his shoes at night, he doesn't need them.


Dr. Hyman (a Dr. my sister and I both love) describes Autism as
"a systemic body disorder that affects the brain. A toxic environment
triggers certain genes in people susceptible to this condition."
So, I know where all my money is going to from now on. Organic food, natural cleaners, no chemicals, no chemicals in food. No dust. Filtered water for baths too. Cleansings...all natural clay baths. Detoxing. An organic environment. Breathin fresh air...(well thats free)..:)

One thing I know is that for this boy, I have to have unconditional love. He is not being a bad boy on purpose.. it's not that he wants to be difficult. Hes just different. It takes patience to accept him for who he is. I'm teaching him to be like others, I'm teaching him social skills, etc. but honestly, I wouldn't change him for the world.

It's OK to be different

Yesterday sucked. We parked at Uncle Kevins house, then walked to the park...that part was good. But at the park... it was hard on him. He tried talking to 2 other boys a little older than him. They listened to his sweet little story for a while...Sebastian was so talkative and for one of the very few times he actually wanted to interact with other kids postively and with communication/conversation. Then one of the little ones looks up at me and says 'he can't talk...all he can do is say blah blah blah, he can't talk...' i however knew what his story was about and what he was saying. Anyways, then the boys start being mean to him and making fun of him for not being able to talk. Then after a while, and them telling him he can't play with them, he started crying...and the little shits started making fun of him for crying, and being mean to him. I'm looking at their mom...she was nice, she just wasn't saying anything other than, let him in the car. Then after making fun of him for crying he gets so upset and runs off into the park. I quickly follow him being so done with this situation. I was very close to yelling at both of them, and at her. Then they start making fun of him for running away from me, and I yelled at them that he was running away from them because they are mean. These kids were only 6 months older than I'm assuming, but they wouldn't tell me their age.
He sometimes reminds me of this boy when hes in a good mood. http://youtube.com/watch?v=p3n7Pm9UkJg&mode=related&search=

So, that sends him into a complete public meltdown. These really suck...they last along long time. It is physically painful for me and for him. It is emotionally draining. It is hard for both of us. We tried to head for home but all he wanted to do was play with the public water fountain. After trying to get him to leave, he threw the biggest tantrum, and other parents were outright staring and talking. Not just trying to to stare and say things, they were actually doing it. Thankfully, I don't care if they stare, i don't give a fuck about them because all I care about is my son, and what he needs. Not just giving all of my heart and soul to him right then, I'm also taking mental notes for his doctors. This lasts forever. I'm trying to get him through or around or under the playgroup to the other side of the park so we could get to our car. After eternity, he finally calmed down and ran up slide stairs, then came down, then was running and hit his head very very hard on a metal toy which sent him right back to his screaming and crying. We finally got to the car and he stopped crying.
Thank god Michael came home soon after and I passed out from 10 -1 am, but haven't been able to sleep since...been doing so much research and calling all of his doctors.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Breakthrough

I forgot to mention, my mom was working with him today on what I would call ABA therapy. It was going great, Bastians mind was being stimulated in the right ways which makes him happy and calm. He loves when communication actually works for him. So, they were taking a moment of down time and he went into her kitchen. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his neck like a cape. Then he walked into the room and waved with one hand and said 'hi mom, hi gramma', hi oscar' (the puppy in the back room who he couldn't see)...she said, say hi to sasha (the other dog), and he waved with one hand and said 'hi sasha'. I cried. This was a first. He was using his immagination with the cape and was being very vocal and clear (and cute!)...when saying hi to everyone. It meant a lot.

Celebrating Sebastian...our Crystal child

My mind is full, I need to sleep on a lot of this. We haven't been back to the doctors in 2 weeks, because of the whole waiting list thing.
I don't know whether to focus on ABA therapy or chelation. I don't know whether to start him on the GFCF diet. I don't know whether to continuing beating myself up for giving him the thimerosal loaded vaccination, including the flu shot, forever. I don't even know if he is on the Autism Spectrum. I know he is different. That's about all I know. One thing I know for sure is that Mercury Poisoning (toxicity) symptoms are identical to the symptoms of full blown autism. Society will argue forever that vaccinations did not cause this. I am not going to argue this. I have my opinion, no one is going to change it. I knew about thimerosal before he was born. I said point blank that he will not be vaccinated (for this reason). When there was a pertussis outbreak in the county we lived in the week he was born, I took that as a sign (along with urging from family members), and vaccinated him for it. Then I let my pediatrician convince me to continue vaccinating him, and how safe they are. True, a lot of children, especially girls, are not affected by the heavy metals use in vaccines to preserve them. But some are.
I know he is different. While I am not dying to label him with a word...I do need to know what he has. The waiting is hard, because I don't know what road to take. The waiting is because it takes a while to get into all of the different doctors.
I do feel he has Sensory Intergration Disorder. He gets overstimulated easily which results in an uncontrollable fit. My sweet husband is not used to the stares and dirty looks we get when god forbid we interrupt the people at Starbucks for 5 minutes while they lounge around reading magazines and drinking $5 lattes, while I try to run in, buy Jenny Mccarthy's new Autism book, and run out...but of course, there are escalators there and if Bastian can't ride up and down them 100 times, he has an uncontrollable fit. I am used to the bruises, they don't bother me.

He doesn't line things up, he does have eye contact, He does point, both to draw my attention to something, and to point out something he wants. He doesn't stack things maniacally. He is 'present'. He babbles. Therefore, he is not Autistic. There is no arguing that.
There is however, arguing that he is on the Autism Spectrum, more specifically Autism Spectrum Disorder, most specifically PDD:NOS, or Aspergers Syndrome. He does need a Static environment, he does need warning of what is about to happen, he does need to be on a sensory diet. He does get frustrated, for very long periods of time when I don't know what he is saying, very very long.
He stims when he is frustrated and has repetitive speech
but not near as much as I have seen.
Thank the Goddess for youtube, not to mention google.
As usual, with him I use too many words, he needs 2 words or less, or visual or Sign language.
He hates being interupted in the middle of a sequence. He only parallel plays. We've stopped going to our play groups.
If he does not get his way, the whole world knows it. Not getting his way means not being able to watch mickey mouse or play on the computer or daddy's laptop. If he wants any of these and does not get it, much of the day is ruined. But how can I let him waste away in front of a screen? I can't.

Whats the point? The point is that he is happy. That he lives a happy, nurtured, conscious life. All I care about is that he is happy. Whatever that means. And happy for the long run.

He needs security...his doctor has recommended a weighted backpack or vest. As of today he is on half of the GFCF diet, that is no dairy whatsoever. He is also on probiotics to help his digestion and cilantro tincture to get the heavy metals out of his body. I've switched him to a homeopathic coffee cruda instead of the melatonin one of his doctors put him on to help him sleep. If you take a lot of melatonin, your brain stops producing it naturally which can lead to worse sleep disorders later on.
I wouldn't change him for the world. But if I knew more about him, I could help him to be happier. More to come when I can figure more of this out, and if you know me, you know I will.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Another blog of mine

I started this new blog to document my son, my sons education, and his impending diagnosis of Autism spectrum disorder.

It is here: http://sebastiansevolution.com/blog/


Eventually it will be more than just a blog, but it seems a good place to start!

Monday, September 3, 2007

Mistakes

So each of the 5 stacks of pictures on slide below contain 50 pics each starting with the beginning of the show at the bottom of the page, going upwards towards nighttime...but the 2nd stack from the bottom us has 100 pictures in it...the very first 50, plus the 2nd 50.
The top 3 stacks can only be seen with my informative (lol) comments and as a slideshow if you click on 'view all images' at the bottom of each stack of pics.
Everything else shouldn't be messed up.. I know theres a lot of pics, it was a long day...:)

Full day of Live Blogging

So I finally got around to doing a day of live blogging. It was informative/educational. It was a pretty typical day, which I was grateful for...
My oldest sister and I only talk about once a month and its for a couple of house and it happened to be this day.
The other difference was that my mom ordered lots of pizzas *we live in their basement* and we ate that all day, even for breakfast...when usually I am cooking most of the day.
I cook for the 3 of us for breakfast, lunch and dinner...Sebastian helps, but not this day. Cooking takes a lot of the day.
Everything else is normal.
Sebastian got tired of the camera and was tired early.
I took advice and got a timer and have started timing how long he is on the computer and the tv (mickey mouse)...starting limits.
He is really obsessed.
I'm taking this to his evaluation doctors this month.
Good experiment.
I know there are some technical issues with this new slide account, I'm trying to work out and have the pictures in smaller stacks so they are easier to look at. The first pictures are at the bottom and the night pictures are on top.
Let me know what you think.
<3
also, we started the website, sebastiansevolution.com
right now its just a blog but its going to be so much more...

Night.

Later

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Next Bill Gates

My little genius. Now, I'm not completely technologically challenged...I like to think I can figure my way around this or that...but when the remote control for the DVD player goes missing, and Bastian is demanding a specific scene of a movie or a specific episode on a DVD, and all I see on the 300 DVD's DVD changer is stop, play and pause, he has definately has many melt downs over this.
But, as I was lifting him up today to hit play on the maching (something we just started doing), not only did he turn the circle thingy which happened to be fast forward!, but he opened a little compartment which lo and behold held the very buttons that would have saved me many a freakin times!! It had menu and sub menu! AHHHHHH!!!! Now, the circle thingy I had only ever before just pressed it and couldn't figure out its use, and I had never seen the little hidden trap door which held the almighty menu and select buttons! My little genius went straight to these and then straight to the scene he wanted. I shit you not!

Monday, August 27, 2007

OOPS

OK apparantly Mars is no closer to the Earth tonight than normal and my dear husband forgot that sometimes I can't tell when things are jokes and when they are not when he told me this! lol

wonderful moon happenings, plus mars so close!

MARS VERY CLOSE TO THE EARTH TONIGHT(AT 12:30 AM, MARS WILL LOOK LIKE A 2ND MOON TO THE EARTH), AND A LUNAR ECLIPSE TOMMORROW, PLUS THE FULL CORN MOON TONIGHT! PARTY!

Sunday, August 26, 2007

~~SO BIG~~

I shit you not, this is how much he has grown in 2.5 months! He is taller than every boy his age. I love it. Michael and I are both tall, and looks like Bubba is taking after us. Good thing Michael just got a raise, so we can continue to clothe this little giant! Go Bastian!







Dear Bastian

Sebastian,
When you give us hugs now, you wrap your skinny long arms around our neck as much as you can reach and squeeze hard. You just started doing this. I think because you are growing your arms reach better now. I love it. Hugs from you are the most special thing in Mommy's life. You even try to sneak up on me or Daddy with a sly look on your face, and when we catch you, you smile so big and run and hug us. What a life!
You are officially off of SouthPark and onto Mickey Mouse, thanks to a very long vacation to Aunt Sissy's house. This is good because now instead of saying 'Dildo', and 'Bastard' and 'Shit', you say 'Mickey Mouse, Toodles', and 'one, two, three!', and 'Donald'. Much better for society, don'tcha think?
You are beyond words...loving, smart (extremely), sensitive, cunning. You are just starting to love to run, and it makes me want to cry being so thankful for your straight little special foot. Well, not so little anymore! Your main loves are still the computer, playing in the water, Zeus, and most of all, DADDY!
I still feel like I need to be taking you to more places, more museums, more parks, more places to play in the water, and maybe even a school. Definately need to play more before the snow comes.
You are our Moon, our Stars, our Universe, and so much more...our SON!
You make me and Daddy complete, I still don't know how we got so lucky.
We love you to the Moon and back and MORE...and by your hugs, we know how you love us too!
PS, when you first wake up you smile sooo big and are so happy, and it lasts for a good 10 minutes, just laying in bed, smiling and talking so sweetly...you love waking up and stretching.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Pics

New pics of our 3 year anniversary getaway...high in the mountains to a resort lodge, then to the lake. it was neccessary and nice. We took Bastian with us. The pics are on flickr to the right of this.
<3

During the Interim

I am teaching my son...ASL, numbers, colors and words right now.
I should do some sensory/motor work like putting the right sized cube in its hole, that uses his mind also. Im actually thinking of putting him in a day care or preschool or whatever its called. Its a Montessori school that accepts toddlers.
I think he needs it. Plus lots of appointments coming up on the journey to diagnosising him...perhaps with Aspergers.


As far as life, I'm trying to be a good wife and mother, and kim, which is very hard right now. I'm just trying to find whats right. I fuck up on the way. I'm too sensitive, and too anxious. I let my energy be sucked. I love. I try. I can't forget. The moon is almost full...Corn Moon. Then fall, which is my favorite season.

I have lots of pictures from my blogging hiatus. I will get them up.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

New Layout

My husband Hooked me up ..

Flickr

This is a test post from flickr, a fancy photo sharing thing.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

still ticking

lifes been full. how are you? i just started this: http://moonmama.wordpress.com/
and think i may soley start using that one. i kinda like it better. i have tons of pictures and stories, so i will be back soon

Saturday, March 17, 2007

long time no see!

wow, has it been a long time or what! you know how sometimes life just gets so busy, yet good...and there is no time to blog! just a few updates, we weaned him off his bottle, then he got bronchitis and cut his 2 incisors which was 2 weeks of hell. then we realized he completely associated his bottle with his special night shoes, so he started refusing to wear his shoes, which isn't an option, for fear of his achilles tendon tightening again, requiring more surgery and more casts...so we chose his feet over his teeth, and just brush the hell out of his teeth every night. so now hes back on bottles! lol
my brother moved in with his girlfriend, so that was a busy week.
my 30th birthday was yesterday which was perfect.
i am traveling in the morning for a 17 day vacation to arizona to help out my sisters family and to see everyone.
i doubt i will be blogging while im down there, but i will when i get back.
i have to cut this short since i am seriously crazy trying to figure out how to pack and travel with the boo boo yet without sexy man who does everything for me.
take care and talk to you soon!
got tons of new pics hopefully i can get out soon!
<3

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Those beautiful blues....



My husband took this picture he took today and made it black and white but left bubbas eyes alone...he didn't do anything to his eyes! Also, the original for comparison.

"Victory is sweetest when you've known defeat"







So, today is day 4 without the beloved bottle...it has been hard but our little guy has been brave...there are all of the usual cons (including me picking the very week that his 2 bottom incisors are poking their sharp asses thru to wean him!), but also an unexpeted pro or two...even though he wakes up screaming bloody mary at night, its only once or twice a night (after screaming bloody mary for an hour to get him to sleep in his special shoes without his bottle, which have always been associated with each other)...BUT, now he only does that instead of waking up 1 time an hour panicked because his bottle isn't in his hand or mouth and god forbid has slipped down a few inches...I'm starting to think the bottle was keeping him awake! Who wouldn've known we'd get more sleep during this week of hell...(knock on wood)...He's a big boy and has gotten a few smoothies for being so brave, and a few extra special dates...a few with me to the health food store, where he gets to drive his own cart and hear everyone tell him how adorable he is...then...we explored our local library...not the cool new one downtown, but the little one in the old beautiful building in our neighborhood...its amazing, it has a lil play area and a stage and of course computers (his other addiction) in the childrens department, which happens to be the entire downstairs of this old building...and a big fishtank...
I went with him and he played with 2 8 year old boys for an hour going up and down the slide and breakdancing on the stage...it was perfect, a huge blessing...he loved playing with the boys and he got so worn out that he took his first nap post bottle...a few days later we went back with daddy and had just as much fun. We are trying to keep him busy and worn out while having fun, and I think it is working!

THEN!, Daddy decided to take us to the new Childrens museum downtown...OH MY GOD is all I can say....omg...there were so many kids there and so many interesting exhibits and places that were only for little ones to learn and play and interact...3 floors of fun! real fun.
We have decided against his lil gym membership now and are going to get him a membership here instead...not only is it cheaper and for longer with a million more benefits...but this museum has everything I have been looking for for him.

Safe, fun interaction with every type of kid and age group imagineable...
Very stimulating activities. Great socialization. Gets us out of the house in the winter. Really really makes him think. Really gives him lots of exercise. It will grow with him. He's learning more communication skills with other kids...(In the last picture above here what had happened was he and this little girl were playing with a swinging door and she yelled at him (she was younger) and he froze....and made this face and stuck with it. There are so many different things to play with and learn from...too bad this wasn't here when his cousins were intown...

We did have one bad accident though :(, he tripped while running towards me because I wanted to show him something and he smacked his forehead HARD on the corner of a wood ball bin...It was the worst head accident we've had...I think if it were concrete, he definitely would've split his head open like his cousin Rickie did...it was sad, but he healed well, and you can see the huge red bump in the middle of his forehead in some of the pics..

Also my husband talked to the buyer there about selling the Butterfly Alphabet Poster that we sell at their gift shop because it would be perfect there!
All in all, its perfect, simply perfect. We are so lucky to have it here, and lil bubba had a nice treat...
Now we can go all the time as opposed to the gym which would be once a week for 45 minutes. I think we were at the museum for 4 hours.
I'm really starting to get into my new city.

“The reward of suffering is experience”, and a fun trip to the new Children's museum!





Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Good-bye and on to a new chapter after we regain our sanity!!


Good-bye old friend...






goddess knows i've tried before...
and i'm trying again, at 21 months with a screaming toggler grabbing for the keyboard and the mouse... its time...again, for his teeth...for our sanity...his complete addiction to his rice milk or soy milk bottle...god please help us...this is almost too much too take...as i've already blogged about..i remember his first bottle...when everyone wanted me to breastfeed sooo bad and he was so hungry and wouldn't nurse...forever..then his first bottle...and i knew his tummy was full...and what else in the world mattered??????????? NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now we are trying again...but this time, I threw away all of his bottles and bottle paraphenilia and told my husband to dump it all out in the nasty big trash bin so I couldn't dig through in at 1 am and find the only damn thing in this world that soothes him...a playtex begginner nipple! damn you!

So, hes already 4.5 hours late on his nap today because he didn't have his comfort bottle, wish us luck!
His teeth need me to do this so I'm doing it.
I hope my marriage survies this...
he's at the point now where he can't even play because he's not willing to put down the bottle with one hand...(as pictured...)
It's not my fault he never wanted my titty, you know I tried and tried!!! The only thing he wanted was a bottle and now its time to say good bye.....
Oh god...These are pics of his very last soy milk bottle.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Dark Side of the Moon




How did I make it to 29 and have never seen a picture of the dark side of the moon? I go out everynight and look at the moon, when its not new, I know all about its phases and am learning more about its geology...But I've only ever seen one side of this thing I am in love with...interesting..Thank God for the internet with a picture of it...
(moon from earth, moon close up, dark side of the moon!)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Beauty is Pain



Just stole some pics off my husbands website of me a few weeks ago right after I got my tongue and nose pierced...

Couldn't have said it better myself



What a handsome family I have! I have everything I ever wanted, why do I still bitch and bitch!

Anyways, different subject (still bitching though)
I've been going crazy for EVER now with what is healthy for my new family and what is not...then when I find what I believe is healthy, food or herb, etc., a new study comes out saying why it is not. Is it all a conspiracy?!
Just when I was going to rant and rave about it, wonderful Mama-C-ta did it for me. Mucho thanks to her. Seems like we have been doing the same research and I really appreciated her blog because she said it all and I don't have to. I am even looking into a Farm Share program as one of the commenters suggested, because I'm seriously thinking now that unless we eat organic, fresh from a local farm, we are all going to die! hehe, ok, not that morbid but still...
can't we just go back to the days of riding horses (then all we'd have to clean up is horse shit and not the entire freaking environment!), and eating fresh, whole foods. I once read that the number one invention that has led to the obesity epidemic was.....ready for this!? The refridgerator! WHAT?! Because then everything we started eating didn't have to be fresh or so well preserved and processed, that we are already half embalmed when we show up at the mortician! Ok, more being morbid, I guess I'm in a mood.
My sister and I have been researching this shit for years, whats good for us, whats not, why and why not, this ingredient, that herb, you'd think I wouldn't still be so crazy...but afterall, this is me we're talking about!
I was a vegetarian long before little bubba came to us, but now that hes here, I feel crazy about what to feed him, what products to use on him, what to let him drink for christs sake! Thank God theres a greenhouse in my backyard, I just need to get off my ass and learn how to garden for my family. Thanks again Mama C-ta!

Hypocrite? or just picky about germs...you decide :)







I hate germs...its not so much hate, as it is, can't stand them. I can't stand other people's germs...I know a lot of it is OCD because I'm picky about what I can't stand being around me. If someone sneezes or coughs while walking by me at the grocery store, I hold my breath and try to get much distance between us before I have to breathe again...if someone comes too close to me...I find myself holding my breath too! I'm so weird!
It takes my son to show me my stupid rituals sometimes that I don't even notice...Now, everytime we get back into the car after running errands, he asks for the hand sanitizer...(to him it's a game that he gets to spread a tiny amount of something on his hands real fast), but it let me know that I am paralyzed with my fear of germs from the time I get back into the car until I wash my hands. I don't want him to pick up my fears, or my OCD rituals (washing my hands a million times with 2 soaps, etc.)...so I have to get a handle on things. Something I have realized really helps me to relax is my Progesterone prescription my Female doctor gave me. AHHHH!! PROGESTERONE...

OK, I'm off track as usual, while I almost can't function if I feel my hands are dirty or theres germs on the grocery cart,or the dog needs a bath, etc....I have no problem with the messes my son makes during the days...As you can see in the pictures, he likes drawers, and throwing everything out of them first, and 'cooking' which usually ends up with crushed cheerios on the kitchen floor. He is an only child still despite our trying, and I know I give him a little leway if he wants to make sure there is nothing left in any drawer or shelf by the end of the night..
I just do a speed cleaning session before my husband gets home....because! this bothers Him!we are opposite...he doesn't notice every little germ that I do, but if all of the pots and pans and tupperware and utensils are on the floor for the millionth time, I know this bothers him. At least I don't think there are germs when little bubba is doing this.
I think I am like Howard Hughs...he locked himself in a room/house for the last years of his life (if im remembering the movie correctly), because he could only handle his own germs...good thing I'm like that because I get a shower a lot less often now than I used too...I'm pretty greasy if I do say so myself.

Luckily bastians germs and my husbands (thank god) don't bother me...but I could see myself really content in my own little world forever.
This has gotten worse since my sons birth, my claustrophobia, my anxiety, my hate for germs...but all in due time. Thank you to you who have been with me on my journey to healing...Mere Mortal Mama , CreepyUCMama , Midwife, Sage Femme, and emjaybee
.. Amazing women with amazing blogs. Thank you for being in my life. I can feel the optimism and hope
already building in me which is very new. Thank you!